#MiddleEastMysteries #SatelliteScandal #WhereInTheWorldIsGaza #BreakingBricks #TacticalTerrace
By: TheJestPress.com
**Satellite Images Reveal Israel’s Bizarre New Hobby: Collecting Troops Near Gaza Like Pokémon Cards**
In a shocking revelation that absolutely nobody saw coming (except everyone with a Twitter account and access to Google Earth), satellite images have confirmed what “sources” say is a major build-up of Israeli forces on the border of Gaza. The development sent world leaders searching for the appropriate diplomatic synonyms for “duh.”
According to experts, Israel’s strategy involves amassing tanks, armored vehicles, and enough soldiers to win an Olympic rowing event—just in case they decide to cross any metaphorical Rubicons, or, you know, actual borders. “We wanted to keep it subtle,” a totally real Israeli military spokesperson claimed, “but apparently, camouflage paint isn’t infrared-proof yet.”
Sources on the ground reported a surge in hummus consumption and the spontaneous eruption of souvenir stands selling miniature models of Merkava tanks, just ahead of what might be the “Black Friday” event for arms dealers.
Satellite analysts struggled to decode one puzzling image that appeared to show a large group of soldiers and tanks spelling out “Hi Mom!” in Hebrew. “We can’t confirm if it’s a code,” said Agnes Snoop, lead pixel-counter at SpyStuff Inc, “but we have learned you can, in fact, get free two-day shipping on artillery.”
Meanwhile, international diplomats are busy drafting strongly-typed tweets and assembling “Sternly Worded Letter” templates in 17 languages. The United Nations is reportedly planning its 3,241st emergency session this year, determined to solve everything with vaguely-worded resolutions and an extra-large pizza.
In Gaza, residents say they are hoping that the build-up is just another military-themed flash mob or a new kind of border yoga retreat. “If it turns into a ground invasion,” one local joked, “at least we’ll have a spectacular aerial view on all the news channels!”
You read it here first—if you haven’t already seen it from space.
By: TheJestPress.com
Leave a comment