#BreakingBarriers #MLBFirsts #UmpirePower #WhoWoreItBest #DiamondDrama
By: TheJestPress.com
In what many are calling an historic step forward for baseball and an existential crisis for the comment section on Facebook, Jen Pawol is set to become the first woman ever to umpire a Major League Baseball game. This is a big win for both gender equality and those who have always wanted someone to finally tell Joe West to sit down and be quiet (because let’s face it, he won’t listen to anybody else).
Sources inside MLB report that, to prepare for this seismic moment, Pawol has not only reviewed the official MLB rulebook cover-to-cover, but also binge-watched 16 seasons of “Judge Judy” and sat through four family reunions without flipping the table — earning her the official title *“Most Emotionally Prepared Umpire of All Time.”*
To mark the occasion, baseball traditionalists had initially suggested dressing Pawol in a pink chest protector, but were instantly struck out by what insiders are calling “common sense.” Instead, she’ll break another barrier by being the first umpire to refuse to accept a bribe in the form of sunflower seeds.
Unconfirmed reports claim MLB managers across the league are currently rehearsing how to argue respectfully, Googling phrases such as “How do I YELL, but like, supportively?” and “Best apology flowers for a home plate ump.”
Players, meanwhile, are grappling with a new worry: Once they get ejected by Pawol, will mom actually believe they “weren’t even doing anything”? Only time will tell.
Fans are encouraged to celebrate this occasion in true ballpark fashion: by declaring loudly, “I could call that better from my couch!”—thus proving some things really *never* change.
Congratulations, Jen Pawol. The bases are loaded, history is pitching, and the calls are about to get a whole lot more interesting.
By: TheJestPress.com
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