#HelicopterHappyHour #MississippiMayhem #BargeBloopers #FlyInNotFlyOut #RiverRidiculous
By: TheJestPress.com
**Tragic “Fly-In” Turns Into Fly-Out in Mississippi River Helicopter Barge Bash**
In an event that aviation experts are calling “less than ideal” and barge experts are describing as “historically dumb,” a helicopter tragically crashed into a barge on the Mississippi River this week, resulting in the untimely demise of two unfortunate occupants—and one very confused tugboat captain.
The incident occurred when the pilot, whose past flying experience reportedly included “at least a dozen hours of Microsoft Flight Simulator,” attempted a textbook landing on what many are now calling “the least-certified helipad in North America.” Eyewitnesses at the scene say the helicopter made a noise described as “somewhere between a duck with bronchitis and an angry chainsaw” before making a less-than-glamorous splashdown.
“It was wild,” said local bartender Bubba “No Relation” McGinty, the first on the scene and, coincidentally, the only survivor to claim both the helicopter and barge in a single hand of river poker. “One minute we’re watching the barge float along, the next, a chopper is auditioning for ‘Mississippi Shark Tank.’”
Officials were quick to issue a statement reminding citizens that, while riverboat casinos are legal, riverboat helipads are not, and no, the Coast Guard will not accept drink coupons as a bribe.
As investigations continue, interest is high (unlike the helicopter, which is currently low in the river). Meanwhile, Mississippi is considering new traffic regulations clarifying that, while barreling downstream in a home-built paddlewheeler is perfectly acceptable, airborne approaches are “firmly discouraged unless you’re delivering beignets.”
The barge has since been painted with a “No Landing Zone” sign, making it only marginally less attractive as a landing pad for out-of-luck pilots. Stay tuned for further updates, or just keep your eyes on the skies (and the river) in case you see something even weirder.
By: TheJestPress.com
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