#Satire #BreakingNews #GeographyFail #DeportationDrama #UgandaBound
By: TheJestPress.com
**Kilmar Abrego Garcia Could Be Deported to Uganda, Official Says, Because Apparently Geography Is Just a Suggestion Now**
In what experts are calling “either a bureaucratic masterstroke or the result of binge-watching Game of Thrones while spinning a globe,” local man Kilmar Abrego Garcia may be deported to Uganda—a country he has no connection to—according to a dazzlingly confused official.
The announcement came Thursday, when Immigration Enforcement Spokesperson Janet Mapsford stood before a press conference and, with the confidence of a substitute teacher who hasn’t read the lesson plan, explained, “Due to a *clerical arrangement*, Mr. Garcia will be relocated to Uganda. That’s in Africa. We think.”
When pressed for justification, Mapsford pointed to an atlas from 1987, flipped it upside down, and said, “Well, it’s far enough from here that he probably hasn’t been there before. Besides, everyone likes a new adventure!”
Attempts to clarify Mr. Garcia’s actual country of birth were met with blank stares and a frantic shuffling of paperwork. At one point an official admitted, “We took a few letters from his name, jumbled them up, squinted at Google Maps, and Uganda seemed to fit.”
Human rights observers are perplexed. “This sets a dangerous precedent,” warned Professor Wanda Borders of the Institute for Logical Decisions, “as next week, Bob from accounting is applying for a vacation to Atlantis.”
In a statement, Garcia said, “If they’re paying for my airfare and sending me somewhere with zebras, I maybe just roll with it. But can I at least choose Fiji?”
As government departments scramble to remember which continent is which, maps are being hastily reprinted, and Google searches for “Where is Uganda?” have spiked 4,000 percent.
Stay tuned for updates on where Kilmar ends up—or if someone accidentally mails him to Narnia.
By: TheJestPress.com
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