#Satire #WorkplaceHarmony #ChattyYouths #TribunalNews #CubicleComedy
By: TheJestPress.com
Groundbreaking news rocked open-plan offices everywhere this week as the National Workplace Tribunal ruled that “young, chatty workers disturbing older colleagues does not constitute age harassment.” According to witnesses, the ruling was made after several senior employees at a major accounting firm filed a complaint titled, “Can You Please Shut Up About Last Night’s TikTok?”
During the tribunal, 58-year-old Ted From HR passionately defended his right to type in silence, stating, “I can’t finish the quarterly report with Madison repeatedly describing her emotional journey through season four of ‘Love Is Blind’. At this rate, I’ll know more about her exes than my own grandchildren.”
However, the defense argued that chattiness is simply youthful exuberance and a subtle form of “intergenerational knowledge sharing.” In their closing statement, 23-year-old Toby explained, “We don’t just gossip. We’re cross-pollinating the office with memes, slang, and unique perspectives, like what happens when Taylor Swift and ChatGPT are in the same sentence.”
The tribunal sided with the younger workers, clarifying that the Occupational Noise and Nonsense Act of 2004 only protects against “the playing of loud Gregorian chants, not enthusiastic recounting of brunch plans.” They also suggested older employees invest in “advanced hearing protection technology,” commonly known as “headphones,” or “just learn to tune out, like Boomers did with their own parents.”
In a show of reconciliation, the office’s younger staff agreed to reduce their noise levels during “vintage quiet hours” between 3:30 and 3:45 p.m.—assuming nobody’s posting on BeReal.
“Maybe this is how we prevent age gaps at work,” said Madison as she sent her fifth Slack message of the day about ‘vibes.’ “By learning to love the sounds of youthful optimism…or at least learning where the office supply closet is for emergency hiding.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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