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India Chooses Russian Oil Over Trump’s Warnings, Drama Ensues
#Hashtags: #OilBeBack #TrumpedUpThreats #VladToTheBone #CrudeHumor #DiplomaticDrill By: TheJestPress.com **India Will Buy Russian Oil Despite Trump’s Threats, Officials Say** New Delhi—After a series of all-caps tweets, an angry postcard, and a TikTok dance challenge featuring…
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Illinois Mandates Student Mind Checks—Parents Panic, Kids Pretend to Care
#MentalHealthMatters #IllinoisInnovates #TestAnxiety #BackToSchoolBlues #SatireNews By: TheJestPress.com **Illinois Becomes First State to Require Student Mental Health Screenings: Students Respond, “Wait, Don’t You Cause Half Our Problems?”** In a bold move to address the needs…
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SpaceX Breaks Speed Record, Astronauts Complain They Forgot Lunch Again
#SpaceRace #FastTrackToSpace #TrafficOnTheISS #AstronautUber #ElonExpress By: TheJestPress.com SpaceX made interstellar Amazon Prime look slow this week by delivering four astronauts to the International Space Station (ISS) just 15 hours after launch, setting a new…
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B.C. Camper’s Forest Yells Just Nickelback Hits, Not SOS
#Nickelback #CampingFails #BCHumanWildlife #ForestConcert #SatireNews By: TheJestPress.com **B.C. Camper Heard Yelling in the Woods Not in Distress, Just Singing Nickelback** VANCOUVER ISLAND, B.C. – Several overnight hikers in the picturesque wilderness of Goldstream Provincial…
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Primate DNA Throws Retrovirus Family Reunion No One Asked For
#ScienceGoneViral #PrimateProblems #RetrovirusReunion #DNADeepDive #MonkeyBusiness By: TheJestPress.com **Discovery! Scientists Find Retrovirus Family Reunions in Primate DNA—Nobody RSVPs, Everyone Attends** In a shocking revelation bound to make even your Aunt Linda’s family genealogy spreadsheet look…
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SpaceX Breaks Speed Record, Astronauts Complain They Forgot Lunch Again
#SpaceRace #FastTrackToSpace #TrafficOnTheISS #AstronautUber #ElonExpress By: TheJestPress.com SpaceX made interstellar Amazon Prime look slow this week by delivering four astronauts to the International Space Station (ISS) just 15 hours after launch, setting a new…
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Ex-President Uribe Upgrades Prison to Luxury House Arrest with Bribery Twists
#ColombianJustice #HouseArrestGoals #UribeNotUber #HomeSweetHome #SatireNews By: TheJestPress.com MEDELLÍN, COLOMBIA — In an unprecedented moment for Colombian politics, ex-President Álvaro Uribe has been sentenced to 12 years of house arrest for bribery, launching a new…
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Celsius Energy Drink Accidentally Upgraded to Vodka, Productivity Soars Instantly
#VodkaCelsius #EnergyGoneWild #OopsyCans #SoberNotSorry #PartyFoul By: TheJestPress.com **Celsius Energy Drink Cans Accidentally Filled with Vodka in “Energizing” Production Mishap** In a mix-up that has left morning commuters both alarmed and significantly more enthusiastic, thousands…
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Underweight Male Models Flop While Skinny Females Still Steal The Show
#Satire #BeautyStandards #ModelMayhem #WeightyMatters #EqualityPlease By: TheJestPress.com **Study Finds: Only Women Allowed to Look Like They Survive on Celery, Men Advised to Hit Buffet** In a shocking twist that no one with internet access…
