• Trump’s Team Weighs Myanmar Minerals, Wonders If They Come With Gold Stars

    #RareEarthRumble #ArtOfTheREEDeal #MyanmarMinerals #TrumpOnTheTrail #SatireNews By: TheJestPress.com **Trump’s Team Hears Pitches on Myanmar’s Rare Earths, Wonders If They’re Actually That Rare** Breaking: Donald Trump’s “very, very special” team has swooped into action this week,…

  • Stone Age Movers Prove Glaciers Were Just Overrated Uber Drivers

    #AncientUber #StonehengeStrong #NoGlaciersNoProblem #RockNRoll #StoneAgeGains By: TheJestPress.com New evidence has rocked the archaeological world: It turns out that Stone Age people at Stonehenge actually DID muscle those 30-ton boulders over 200 kilometers—not on glaciers,…

  • New York Office Shooting Ends Badly, Suspect Finally Loses at Work

    # Satire #FakeNews #OfficeLife #NYC #NotTheOnion By: TheJestPress.com **Massive Office Shooting in NYC Delays Quarterly Report; Wall Street Reacts with Confusing Shrug** In what experts are already calling “the most New York kind of…

  • North Korean Kids Discover New Swimming Pools Courtesy of Gold Mining Boom

    #GoldRushGoneWrong #DictatorDiving #PoolPartyPyongyang #KimJongUnSplashZone #NorthKoreaNews By: TheJestPress.com **North Korean Children Celebrate Summer by Swimming in “World-Class” Puddles Left by Gold Miners** PYONGYANG—In Kim Jong Un’s ever-expanding list of Olympic events North Koreans didn’t ask…

  • FBI Investigates Frontier Flight Bomb Threat, Passengers Blame Bad Snacks

    #BreakingNews #FrontierFiasco #FlyTheUnfriendlySkies #TSAarentJoking #HomelandSecurityHumor By: TheJestPress.com **Bomb Threat on Frontier Flight at DIA Under Investigation by FBI — Unattended Bag Full of Trail Mix Only Threatened Passengers’ Diets** Passengers hoping to take off…

  • Polish Priest Faces Defrocking After Homeless Man’s Surprise Final Blessing

    #VaticanNews #HolyMurderMystery #UnholyOrders #PolishPriestProblems #DefrockAndRoll By: TheJestPress.com In a surprising turn of ecclesiastical events, the Archbishop of Warsaw has asked the Vatican to fast-track the defrocking of a Polish priest who allegedly took “Father,…

  • STEM Women Convinced They’re Fraudulent Geniuses, Study Mostly Agrees

    #ImpostorSyndrome #WomenInSTEM #FakeItTillYouMakeIt #MarginalizedButBrilliant #SatireScience By: TheJestPress.com **Groundbreaking Study Reveals Women in STEM Are Basically Secret Agents Pretending to Be Themselves** A new study that will shock absolutely no one, except maybe your male…

  • Saudi Arabia and France Team Up to Finally Settle UN Puzzle Piece

    #WorldPeaceOrNah #DiplomacyLOL #StatehoodFOMO #UNusualAlliances #MapmakerProblems By: TheJestPress.com **Saudi Arabia and France Join Diplomatic Escape Room to Recognise Palestinian Statehood** In a move that shocked nobody but deeply confused several globes, Saudi Arabia and France…

  • Judge Delivers Plot Twist: Planned Parenthood Stays Funded, Trump Fund Cut Off

    #PlannedParenthood #SatireNews #JudgeBlocks #TrumpAdministration #FakeNews By: TheJestPress.com A federal judge has thrown a legal wrench at the Trump administration’s latest attempt to defund Planned Parenthood, presumably after realizing that “defunding” means taking away the…