-
Court Rules Dead Can’t Be Killed, Zombie Lawsuit Officially Deadlocked
#LegalHumor #UndeadLaw #ObjectionOverruled #ZombieRights #SatireNews By: TheJestPress.com In a landmark ruling that will undoubtedly send shivers down the spines of both horror movie directors and aspiring necromancers, the Court of Appeal confirmed today that…
-
French Courts Decide Gazans Now Eligible for Refugee Status, Baguettes Included
#Satire #FrenchFriesForFreedom #RefugeeChic #BureaucracyBonanza #ViveLeGazans By: TheJestPress.com **French Court Rules Gazans Deserve Refuge; French Waiters Prepare To Be Polite For First Time** In a bold new move to inject drama into their notoriously slow…
-
US Nuclear Regulator Screens Job Applicants for Secret Political Superpowers
#Satire #JobInterviews #NuclearRegulator #PoliticalQuestions #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com In an explosive turn of events, the United States Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) has launched a bold new initiative to ensure “the right kind of atomic spirit”…
-
Kevin Spacey Demands Epstein Files Released, World Suddenly Very Confused
#KevinSpacey #EpsteinFiles #HollywoodScandal #TransparencyNow #Satire By: TheJestPress.com In shocking news that nobody saw coming (because nobody asked), disgraced actor Kevin Spacey interrupted his daily seclusion to break his silence on global issues, raising eyebrows…
-
AI Finally Diagnoses Pancreatic Cysts, Still Can’t Find Your Keys
#ArtificialIntelligence #MedicalBreakthrough #PancreaticCysts #RobotDoctors #AIwins By: TheJestPress.com In a shocking blow to anyone who makes their living squinting at grainy scans and murmuring “hmmm,” artificial intelligence has achieved the impossible: accurately classifying pancreatic cysts—on…
-
Tasmania Declares Maryam Rajavi’s Plan As Official State Hobby and IRGC Villain
#TasmaniaParliament #WorldPolitics #SatireNews #IRGC #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com **Tasmania Parliament Backs Maryam Rajavi’s 10-Point Plan, Shocks Residents Who Just Wanted More Sheep** HOBART—In a stunning move that has reverberated through at least three Hobart social…
-
Mystery Solved: Woman Finally ID’d After 50 Years of Staying Dead
#ColdCaseClosed #NHNews #TrueCrime #BackFromTheDeadlines #MarlboroughMystery By: TheJestPress.com MARLBOROUGH, NH – In news proving that nothing says “better late than never” quite like New Hampshire police, authorities have finally identified a woman found dead in…
-
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Podcaster Enter Oxygen Chamber, Exit Superhuman
#HyperbaricBros #UltimateHuman #IVyLeague #SatireNews #KennedyKnockout By: TheJestPress.com **Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Prepares for UFC Event by Locking Himself in Oxygen Chamber With Podcaster, Emerges Believing He Can Take On Conor McGregor’s Twitter Account** In…
-
US Health Data Gets Makeover, Nobody Told Anyone and Panic Ensues
#DataGoneWild #TrustTheData #HealthSecrets #StatisticallySuspicious #TransparencyTuesday By: TheJestPress.com In a bold move to streamline inefficiency (and perhaps reality itself), U.S. government agencies have been caught doing what everyone does during spring cleaning: hiding questionable stuff…
