-
CDC Gives Up Counting Food Poisoning—The Mystery Gets Tastier
#CDC #FoodPoisoning #HealthNews #Satire #SafeEats By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c **CDC Dramatically Scales Back Food Poisoning Tracking Program; Leftovers Nationwide Panic** ATLANTA, GA – In a move cheered by microwaved shrimp quesadillas everywhere,…
-
Milei Dodges Rocks and Scandals Like a Pro on Campaign Trail
#Argentina #Milei #Corruption #PoliticalSatire #RockThrowing By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c **Argentina’s President Milei Pelted With Rocks, Blames Gravity for Falling Approval Ratings** In what some are calling “the literal rock-bottom” of his career,…
-
Argentinian President Leaves Rally Early Thanks to Passionate Pebble Protesters
#ArgentinianPolitics #PoliticalRockstars #MileiVsGravity #DemocracyWithPebbles #SatireNews By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c **Argentinian President Javier Milei Leaves Rally After Protesters Throw Rocks, Unveils New Olympic Sport** In what political experts now call “Granitegate,” Argentinian President…
-
Canada’s Mass Grave Beliefs Drop to 37%, Skeptics Throw Maple Syrup
#Satire #CanadaNews #ConspiracyHumor #EducationTruth #GraveMistake By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c **Canada, 63% No Longer Believe in Mass Graves in Schools—Now Suspect It’s Just Where They Buried All the Homework** OTTAWA – In a…
-
Nevada’s Websites Get Hacked, State Officials Pretend It’s Just a Glitch
#NevadaOffline #CyberAttack #DigitalDisaster #404StateFound #SilverStateShutdown By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c **Nevada Officially Declares State Motto: “What Happens In Nevada, Stays In Cyberspace” After Historic Cyberattack** Carson City, NV — Nevada state government learned…
-
Florida OJ Crisis: Canadians Stage Citrus Boycott, Juice Shipments Squeeze
#OrangeJuiceCrisis #FloridaManExports #CanadianTastebuds #JUICYNEWS #SipOrSkip By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c **** In a shocking twist threatening the very vitamin C balance of North America, U.S. exports of Florida orange juice to Canada have…
-
Cracker Barrel Rolls Back Logo, Because Nostalgia Is Deliciously Predictable
#CrackerBarrel #LogoBacklash #OldIsGold #BrandingBlunders #DesignDrama By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c **Cracker Barrel to Return to Its Old Logo After Backlash—Public Rejoices, Grandpa Finally Stops Yelling at Clouds** After a short-lived experiment with a…
-
Elon Musk Accidentally Becomes Unwanted Curator of Child Abuse Victim’s Photos
#ElonActs #XHibitA #DeleteItElon #TechnoTakedown #NotSoFreeSpeech By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c **Child Sex Abuse Victim Begs Elon Musk to Remove Links—Musk Offers Rocket Ship Instead** In an emotional plea that somehow doesn’t require blue-check…
-
Utah’s Political Puzzle Gets New Pieces After Judge’s Redraw Ruling
#UtahRedraw #GerrymanderGiggles #Mapocalypse #PoliticalPuzzles #SatireJurisdiction By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c **Utah Judge Orders Congressional Map Redrawn, Suggests Giant Game of Twister Instead** SALT LAKE CITY—In a landmark decision that sent spill-proof coloring books…
