• Abandoned School Bus Turns Out to Be Worst Field Trip Ever

    #ExplosiveDiscovery #SchoolBusBlues #BlastingBackToSchool #EducationBoom #SatireNews By: TheJestPress.com In today’s episode of “Things Our Parents Never Warned Us About,” local authorities were stunned to discover 50 pounds of dynamite neatly stacked in an abandoned school…

  • Scientists Find Happy Pill Fixes Sad Brain, All Therapy Chairs Now Dancefloors

    #MDMA #TherapyGoneWild #DancingDepressionAway #ScienceLOL #BigPharmaRave By: TheJestPress.com **Groundbreaking Study Finds MDMA-Assisted Therapy Helps Patients Hug Their Depression Goodbye** In a move that finally validates at least one college student’s “spiritual awakening” in a field…

  • Syria Plans Elections After Assad’s Fall, Vows Not to Rig Totals This Time

    #Satire #SyriaElections #Democracy2024 #VoteForFalafel #JestPress By: TheJestPress.com DAMASCUS – In an event being heralded by many as “the world’s best-kept secret,” Syria is set to hold its first parliamentary elections since Bashar al-Assad’s abrupt…

  • Train Crash in Germany: Media Source Confirms Trains Also Have Bad Days

    #Satire #BreakingNews #GermanTrains #UnexpectedTwist #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com **”Several Killed in German Train Crash; Locals Shocked to Learn German Trains Can Derail”** In a stunning revelation that has shattered both rails and national pride, several…

  • California Man Mistakes Pokémon Cards for Gold, Robs Woman at Gunpoint

    #Satire #CaliforniaMan #PokemonHeist #GottaCatchEmAll #CrimeNews By: TheJestPress.com In what Fairfax County authorities are calling the “least threatening armed robbery by a grown adult since that Monopoly money incident of 2017,” a California man was…

  • Surrogates Face Mind Games More Than Moms, Canadian Study Says

    #SurrogateStruggles #MommyMindgames #RentAWomb #CanadianScience #JestPressNews **By: TheJestPress.com** A new Canadian study has revealed that surrogates—women who carry someone else’s baby—may be at greater risk of developing mental health issues than women gestating their own…

  • China and US Play Tariff Freeze Dance, Extend Pause Yet Again

    #TariffTimeout #ChinaUSRelations #TradeWars #SwedenSummit #PauseTheDrama By: TheJestPress.com In a historic display of international procrastination, China and the United States have reportedly agreed to extend their ongoing “tariff pause” by yet another 90 days during…

  • FEMA’s New Plan: Turning States Into Ultimate Migrant Detention Theme Parks

    #Satire #FEMA #Immigration #DystopianUSA #JustKidding By: TheJestPress.com **FEMA Announces Funds to States for Detaining Undocumented Migrants; Local Government Now Accepting Bids for Chain Link Fence Supplies** In a bold step to secure its position…

  • Rare Cross-Party Friendships Found; Arguments Now Politely Passive-Aggressive

    #FriendshipFail #RedBlueBuddies #PoliticalFrenemies #AwkwardDinners #UnityOrBust By: TheJestPress.com **Cross-Party Friendships Rare in U.S., Says Study; Experts Recommend Cardboard Cutouts Instead** A new study confirms what Thanksgiving dinners and unfriended Facebook relatives have been hinting at…