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RFK Jr. Declares War on Woke Cancer Panels, Scrubs Prevention Advice
#RFKJr #WokeCancerPanel #SatireNews #HealthReform #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com **RFK Jr. Vows to Oust Woke Advisory Panel, Demands Cancer Screenings Be Unbiased, Preferably by Psychic** In a groundbreaking move that promises to reshape America’s approach to…
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President’s Patience with Russia Runs Out, Still No Peace in Sight
#SatiricalNews #PutinOnTheRitz #DiplomacyDebacles #WarOfWills #PresidentialPatience By: TheJestPress.com **President Fresh Out of Patience Coupons for Putin, May Start Charging Late Fees** WASHINGTON D.C.—At a hastily convened press conference today, White House officials revealed that President…
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Israeli Military Introduces Snack Breaks in Gaza, Hunger Hits Pause Button
#AidPause #MiddleEastMatinee #SatireNews #CeasefireSnack #GazaGags **Israeli Military Announces Daily Pauses in Gaza to Allow Aid for Hungry, Also Briefly Debates Adding Brunch Slot** By: TheJestPress.com In a move hailed by international diplomats as “almost…
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Cambodia’s Dawn Surprise Party Turns Up Heat on Thai Border Village
#BorderBlunder #MajorOops #DiplomacyDoneWrong #FireDrill #BadNeighbors By: TheJestPress.com In an early-morning attempt at neighborly diplomacy, Cambodia accidentally mistook goodwill for gunpowder, opening fire at dawn on a quiet Thai border village. According to officials, the…
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Partial Election Results Spark Groundbreaking New Election Fraud Conspiracy Theories
#BreakingNews #ElectionNight #DemocracyInAction #BiasAlert #Satire By: TheJestPress.com **Partial Election Results Actually Just Addictive Mystery Novel, Not Evidence of Fraud, Experts Confirm** America tuned in Tuesday night for its favorite reality show: **Election Results: Who…
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Bishop’s Dressing Gown Protest Silences London Choir, Sparks Heavenly Racket Debate
#LondonDrama #ChoirCatastrophe #DivineIntervention #HolyNoiseComplaint #NotSoSilentNight By: TheJestPress.com LONDON—A London bishop has emerged as an unlikely champion of bedtime everywhere after heroically shutting down a raucous choir concert this weekend, all while sporting a dressing…
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Alabama Concrete Bunker Fails as Worst Kids’ Clubhouse Ever Discovered
#AlabamaNews #SatireOnly #WeirdAmerica #BunkerBusiness #BreakingConcrete By: TheJestPress.com Seismic activity wasn’t the only thing rumbling beneath Alabama this week as state officials announced the takedown of a child sex ring being run out of a…
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Wolgan Valley Finally Gets $385M to Fix That Tiny Access Problem
#WolganATM #BlueMountainsMakeover #RoadToSomewhere #ExtremeBudgeting #TrailBlazing **By: TheJestPress.com** In what experts are calling “the most money ever spent fixing potholes,” officials have joyfully announced a casual $385 million will be channeled into restoring road access…
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New Orleans Frees Repeat Escapee: Déjà Vu or Just Tuesday?
#OopsTheyDidItAgain #NOLAnews #PrisonBreak2 #GateIsAlwaysOpen #EscapeRoomChampions By: TheJestPress.com NEW ORLEANS—In a dazzling demonstration of tradition, efficiency, and jazz-infused bumbling, New Orleans officials have mistaken the “release” button with the “hold ’em tight” button—again. On Tuesday…
