• US Buys Chunk of Intel, Finally Gets Inside Information on Processors

    #Hashtags: #UncleSamInside #MooreLawIsGovernment #SiliconBureaucracy #ChipOnTheHill #MakingItOfficial By: TheJestPress.com In a bold move to finally keep up with 8th graders hacking their Chromebooks, the United States government announced it has purchased a 10% stake in…

  • Young Workers’ Chatter Declared Workplace Symphony, Older Colleagues Must Adapt

    #Satire #WorkplaceHarmony #ChattyYouths #TribunalNews #CubicleComedy By: TheJestPress.com Groundbreaking news rocked open-plan offices everywhere this week as the National Workplace Tribunal ruled that “young, chatty workers disturbing older colleagues does not constitute age harassment.” According…

  • US Tells Wind to Take a Chill, Offshore Breeze Gets Cancelled

    #WindYouUp #BlowinInTheWind #PowerPlays #TurbineTrouble #EnergyLaughs By: TheJestPress.com **US Halts Orsted Offshore Wind Project, Nation’s Hot Air Supply Now in Jeopardy** In a bold move that scientists are calling “gusty,” the US government has ordered…

  • Kilmar Abrego Garcia’s Uganda Adventure: Official Hints at Unexpected Exit Plan

    #Satire #BreakingNews #GeographyFail #DeportationDrama #UgandaBound By: TheJestPress.com **Kilmar Abrego Garcia Could Be Deported to Uganda, Official Says, Because Apparently Geography Is Just a Suggestion Now** In what experts are calling “either a bureaucratic masterstroke…

  • Ukraine Accidentally Interrupts Russia’s Free Fuel Delivery to Neighbors

    #Satire #Ukraine #Russia #OilPipeline #InternationalDrama By: TheJestPress.com **Ukraine Attacks Pipeline; Hungary and Slovakia Suddenly Remember ‘Reduce, Reuse, Recycle’ Slogan** In a surprise move that has left European oil investors clutching their vintage barrels, Ukraine…

  • Ghislaine Masters the Art of Saying Nothing, Deputy AG Left Speechless

    #EpsteinWho #MemoryLossMuch #SecretsKept #NoNamesPlease #EliteClub By: TheJestPress.com In what some are calling “the world’s least productive coffee date,” sources revealed today that Ghislaine Maxwell, former socialite and full-time avoider of eye contact, provided absolutely…

  • FBI Fumbles Hunt for John Bolton’s Secret Lint Collection Underground

    #Satire #FBI #JohnBolton #BreakingNews #SurpriseSweep By: TheJestPress.com **FBI Searches John Bolton’s Home, Discovers An Entire Ecosystem of Mustaches** In a move that shocked exactly seven people, FBI agents executed a search of former National…

  • Scientists Admit SARS-CoV-2 Might Be Just Playing Immune System Hide-and-Seek

    #ImmuneSystemMakeover #PandemicPlotTwist #ScienceUnplugged #TinfoilLabCoats #Immunity2pointOh By: TheJestPress.com In a stunning turn of events, scientists worldwide are coming together over stale Zoom meetings and half-eaten pizza crusts to admit what we’ve all suspected since 2020:…

  • Pueblo Coroner’s Secret Room Sparks “Hide and Seek” Funeral Home Scandal

    #FuneralHomeFiasco #PuebloPlotTwist #HideAndShriek #CoronerChronicles #NotSoRestInPeace **By: TheJestPress.com** PUEBLO, CO—In a story that’s giving the phrase “you had one job” a whole new meaning, Pueblo County’s Coroner, Dr. Mortis Graves, made headlines yesterday after being…