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Scholarship Suspended After 50 Years: UNC Grad’s Timeless Protest Problem
#UNCProtest #HistoryRepeats #ScholarshipScandal #SatireNews #FullRideFiasco By: TheJestPress.com **UNC Grad’s Scholarship Suspended 50 Years After Protest, Fears It’ll Get Suspended Again Any Minute Now** Chapel Hill, NC – In a shocking display of university efficiency,…
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Brit Defies Time, Still Kicking at 116 While Everyone Else Ages
#AgeIsJustANumber #StillYoungerThanMyWiFi #CentenarianGoals #QueenSentAnotherCard #SeniorSecrets By: TheJestPress.com In stunning news that’s made both history and dentures chatter around the globe, British centenarian Edna “the Indestructible” Worthington celebrated her jaw-dropping 116th birthday on Tuesday by…
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Judge Keeps Epstein Transcripts Secret Because Some Mysteries Must Remain Mystery
#EpsteinFiles #UnsealTheDeal #JusticeForSecrets #CourtroomComedy #TransparencyWho By: TheJestPress.com Breaking: In a move that absolutely no one had on their 2024 “Transparency Bingo Card,” a federal judge has just denied the Justice Department’s humble request to…
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Justice System Baffles: Deputy Wins, Victim Just Gets Side-Eye Therapy
#satire #JusticeForSome #IronyCounty #WhosProtectingUs #NotAllDeputies By: TheJestPress.com **Woman Shocked to Learn Local Prosecutors Believe Sheriff’s Badge Doubles as Get Out of Jail Free Card** IRON COUNTY—A local woman says she’s learned the hard way…
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German Court Grants Buchenwald Right to Reject Keffiyeh Fashion Statements
#Satire #Germany #Buchenwald #FashionPolice #KeffiyehControversy By: TheJestPress.com In a verdict that managed to perplex everyone from civil rights activists to literally anyone with an ounce of common sense, a German court has ruled that…
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Boxing Champ Julio César Chávez Jr. Punches Way Straight Back to Mexico
#Satire #BoxingNews #ChavezJr #Deported #JestPressExclusive By: TheJestPress.com **Julio César Chávez Jr. Deported to Mexico for Alleged Cartel Ties, Finally Wins Something** In an unexpected turn of events that not even the best telenovela writers…
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Ranger Fired Over Trans Flag; Yosemite Visitors Now Risk Arrest Too
#YosemiteGate #FlagFiasco #TransRights #SatireNews #ParkProblems By: TheJestPress.com YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK — In what experts are calling the “Most Talked About Hanging Since That Bear Got Stuck in a Hammock,” Yosemite Park officials today confirmed…
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Canadians Ghost U.S. Again in July, Return Trips Now Rare Wildlife
#OhNoEh #BlameTheBagels #CanadaDryHumor #MapleSyrupBorder #ReturnToSender By: TheJestPress.com OTTAWA—In breaking news that has U.S. border staff sighing with nostalgia and dusting off their forgotten “Welcome Back” banners, official data reveals a fresh dip in return…
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Justice Department Finally Shares Epstein Files, Congress Still Shocked and Confused
#EpsteinFiles #CongressCuriosity #DOJDrama #MysteryUnveiled #SatireNews By: TheJestPress.com **DOJ to Send Epstein Files to Congress, Lawmakers Prepare for World’s Longest Redacted Reading Session** After years of speculation and conspiracy theories ranging from “it was the…
